Game Development Does Not Define You
How do you introduce yourself?
Hello, my name is Brock, and I am _______________________.
In social settings, most people follow the convention of stating their name followed by their occupation. A person may offer additional information like family roles, number of kids, pets, and perhaps some hobbies. But in many settings, name and profession are adequate for an introduction. When we live in a society where your job title routinely follows our name, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing what you do defines who you are.
It is a common mindset, especially among game developers. Considering how much work and sacrifice people have expended to break into the industry, not to mention how much effort it takes to ship a game, it makes sense that game development over time can dominate a person's identity. That explanation doesn't even take into account the coolness factor. How cool is it to tell someone you make games for a living? Given the "buff" to your coolness stat, it can be tempting to wear the title of "game developer" as a badge of honor.
Identity has become a matter of great importance to me, which stems from having a distorted view of myself and my worth for a long time. These distortions caused me to chase success with reckless abandon in hopes of finding happiness and fulfillment. Sadly, the times I found success did not create lasting satisfaction, nor did they provide me with any peace. I remained stuck on a treadmill of constantly trying to build an identity for myself.
When we create or claim an identity different from who God says we are, we set ourselves up for disappointment and heartache.
So why is having a proper identity so important? Author and speaker Jim Rohn used to say, "your identity forms your philosophy." To unpack that idea a little more, I would say that the identity we claim becomes the driving force behind our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Every aspect of our life is an outflowing of who we are or, more specifically, who we think we are.
If you are observant, you can start to see the complex outworkings of identity in people's lives. Chat with a group of developers at an industry event, and it won't take long to get on topics like work-life balance, impostor syndrome, the pressures of success, and the fear of disappointing people. These may seem like separate, disconnected issues, but the more you learn about an individual's story, you will discover threads leading back to identity.
Take the subject of work-life balance. It's not a revelation that making games requires a staggering amount of work and, on occasion, long hours. But the issue is rarely just a matter of supporting one's family. We often impose long hours on ourselves because we have fear, pride, and self-worth tangled up in the equation. Gone are the simple transactions of an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.
“If work is your identity and you become successful, it will go to your head. If work is your identity and you are a failure, it goes to your heart. When your identity is tied to your self-worth, it destroys you.”
So, where do we find our true identity? In Adorning The Dark, Andrew Peterson answers this question beautifully. "We need not look anywhere, but to the eyes of our Savior for our true identity, an identity which is profoundly complex, unfathomable, deep as the sea, and yet can be boiled down to one little word: beloved. That's it. And that's why it's so silly (and perilous) to use your gifting to clothe yourself with meaning. Those clothes will never quite fit."
When I finally learned to accept God's identity for me instead of trying to create my own, I finally found rest. It no longer mattered how many games I shipped, the number of accolades I may have received, or even if I succeeded or failed. I am God's beloved no matter what, on good days and bad. There is peace and security in that fact, and it's a firm foundation to stand on.
Recently, I had the privilege of being on Thomas Brush's podcast. I was able to share my story and go into greater detail about some of the thoughts I communicated here. Thomas is a fellow brother in Christ, and we had a great conversation together. I would encourage you to give it a watch.
