Waves of Discouragement
The video game industry is hard. No, seriously, it's really HARD. Bringing a game to market is herculean, no matter your experience level. You not only have to tie yourself to a computer for thousands of hours fighting technology, schedules, budgets, and sometimes your teammates, but you have to translate the idea floating in your head into a playable experience that other people find enjoyable. And all the while juggling funding, marketing, legal contracts, and a million other concerns that could sabotage your launch.
In an industry where 95% of indie games aren't profitable, at some point, you may find yourself being tossed around by waves of discouragement—which is where I find myself currently. As I survey the landscape of the past few years, I struggle to spot any fruit; I've had deals fall apart, funding indefinitely delayed, and releases that may never see the light of day. It makes me wonder if I have been laboring in vain, as Psalm 127 discusses. Did I waste years of my life working on things God was not a part of, were my efforts frustrated by spiritual forces, or was it simply my human failings?
These are hard questions, yet they deserve critical thought and conversation because, candidly, I don't think I'm alone in asking them. While in the Christian game developer community, I have witnessed a few successes and numerous projects that didn't pan out. That success rate seems to be on trend with our industry as a whole, yet, being on trend feels wrong. As children of God, shouldn't we be above the average?
Here is the rub: God gives us dreams, visions, and desires, and as we obediently work to bring those seeds to life, things rarely turn out the way we planned or imagined. Why is that? Presumably, because God told Isaiah, "my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." I understand that at a head level, but it doesn't always translate down into my heart. Sometimes the gaps between my expectations and God's plans become filled with confusion, heartache, and discouragement.
As I've been praying through my own confusion and dismay concerning my career, God highlighted three common areas where these gaps occur.
It's harder than you expected
The timeline is longer than you expected
Success looks different than you expected
1. It's Harder Than You Expected
I thought I knew the story of Moses pretty well: I've heard it countless times in church and read it on my own and with my children at home. Nevertheless, God revealed some passages regarding discouragement that I didn't remember.
In chapters 3 and 4 of Exodus, God appears to Moses in a burning bush and sends him on a mission to free his people from slavery in Egypt. When Moses returned to Egypt with his brother Aaron, they gathered the people, told them what God had said, and laid out the plan for what He intended to do. As you would expect, everyone was thrilled and began to worship. I can only imagine the feelings of hope, nervous anticipation, and fear Moses must have had at that moment. Nevertheless, I don't think he expected what would happen next.
In chapter 5, Moses and Aaron confront Pharaoh with God's command to let His people go. What is Pharoah's response? First off, he dismisses the order. Second, he decides to retaliate and make the lives of the Hebrews much worse. Wait a minute! You're telling me that God allowed things to get worse for his people because they followed his instructions? This is the question Moses poses to God:
"O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharoah to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon his people, and you have not rescued your people at all." (Exodus 5:23) (Emphasis added by me.)
God answers Moses and reaffirms his plans; however, when Moses tries to relay the message, the people don't listen. In Exodus 6:9, we read, "Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and cruel bondage." Losing the ability to listen to what God is saying is one of the dangers when discouragement fills the gaps of our unfulfilled expectations.
2. The Timeline Is Longer Than You Expected
Have you noticed that we are constantly in a hurry, but God never seems to be? We know our time is limited, so we desire to go fast and fill up our schedules. We rush from activity to activity, seeking the next pleasure or achievement. But God doesn't act that way; He may have created time, but He is not bound to it like we are. He stands outside of time and acts as He sees fit. A prime example of this is the story of Abraham.
Abraham and his wife Sarah longed for a child but could not conceive. At 75 years old, God appeared to Abraham (Abram at that time) in a vision and told him that he would have an heir (Genesis 15:4). Then the Lord brought him outside and, in a cinematic moment, showed him the sky and said, "Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them, so shall your offspring be." It says that Abraham believed the Lord, but it wasn't until 25 years later that God fulfilled His promise.
Try to imagine waiting year after year for God to fulfill his promise. Over twenty-five years, there had to be countless moments of doubt, questioning, sadness, and longing between Abraham and Sarah. When I place myself in their shoes, it feels like a punch to the gut. I have dreams that I believe will someday be fulfilled in my own life, but in the meantime, there is an ache. It's a tender place, like a wound starting to scab over; you don't want to touch it because it hurts. In quiet moments, you sit and wonder if it will actually happen. Or if somehow your sinfulness is keeping you from realizing your dream. You ask, "why Lord" and "how long?" And if you are not careful, you can slip into a position of judging God for not being on your schedule.
3. Success Looks Different Than You Expected
If you decide to attend a Christian Game Developer Conference, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to hear someone say something like, "God called me to make this game, so I know it will be successful." There isn't a person I've met within the Christian game developer community who doesn't possess some vision, dream, picture, or seed of an idea that God has planted in them—including myself. My question is, what does success mean in this context? Expressly, can we assume that success means financial gain and or notoriety? Those are the yardsticks our industry uses to measure success but are those the measurements that God uses?
For the record, I yearn to see us experience incredible financial blessings. I pray for an overflowing abundance that would enable our families to be financially stable and a surplus that could fund countless projects from within the community. That sounds like success to me! However, our lens may be too narrow if that is our only view of success. Limiting ourselves to a restricted lens could cause us to overlook what God is doing.
God anointed Jeremiah to an arduous task. Call the wayward nation of Israel to repent and return to their God. If they refused, destruction would come upon them. The stakes couldn't have been higher! Oh, and did I mention God told him that no one would listen?
"When you tell them all this, they will not listen to you; when you call to them, they will not answer." (Jeremiah 7:27)
In the 40 years that Jeremiah faithfully preached and prophesized, he withstood death threats and beatings. He was imprisoned and thrown into a cistern, and in the end, he watched the utter destruction of Jerusalem. Unless I missed a verse, not a single person was recorded as repenting, let alone the nation. His story is not what we would call "ministry success." So I ask, was he a failure? On the surface, his whole assignment seems like an oxymoron.
Let's consider another person's story, this time an artist. Legend has it that Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting during his lifetime. Now, if you dig into history, you discover that the story is only partially true. Nevertheless, we know he didn't sell many paintings and certainly not enough to cover his expenses as a painter. These facts should place him squarely in the failure camp, and yet, today, few would argue that Van Gogh is anything but a triumphant success.
On a nerdy side note, the Dr. Who episode entitled Vincent and the Doctor is one of the best episodes of the entire series. (Spoiler) Near the end of the episode, the Doctor takes Vincent to the future to visit a Paris art gallery, where he discovers he wasn't a failure. It's a beautiful piece of storytelling that never fails to bring me to tears.
When I consider the lives of Jeremiah and Vincent, it brings to mind the most objective, and I dare say Christian, definition of success I have encountered. Success is doing what you were created to do. Jeremiah was created to prophesize and Vincent to paint. Both lived out their callings with the entirety of their beings. Yet, neither could have correctly seen their successes amidst their lives.
I know reading a blog post like this could feel like a bummer. However, that was not my intention; in fact, it's indeed the opposite. In identifying these three gaps, I hope we can clearly see our situations and guard our hearts against the lies and discouragements hurled at us. I don't know what season you find yourself in, but wherever you are, I want to pass along some encouragement that God spoke to me.
"Beloved, I don't want you to swim in the sea of discouragement. I love you, and I'm for you. I want you to succeed, and my son prays for it. Things may be difficult for a season, but it's only a season, and it will soon pass. Cling to me, for I am here and will not leave you. We can do this together."
